Despair

It seems so long ago, just yesterday
Last month has vanished in the distant mist
The time just pours between my hands like sand
Each moment lost forever from my grasp

I used to carry it like weight, bowed down
And struggling to take another step
I never let myself perceive the pain
Nor could I let the burden fall away

But now my anguished past bursts forth in waves
That choke my throat and blind my eyes with tears
An aquifer of suffering is loosed
A tidal flood I fear is drowning me

I want to cut my wrists and spill out blood
Until my heart is empty and it stops
I want to leap from cliffs above the sea
And shatter on the jagged rocks below

My fingers will not lift the knife for me
My feet are rooted firmly to the ground
My flesh wants life although my soul cries out
That surely death is easier than this

(1989)